Funny Quotes

“Love is like bridge. If you have a good hand you don’t need a partner.”

“My wife in a CPA, a Constant Pain in the Ass!”

“I thought once we got married he would stop drinking and smoking; instead he stopped working and started dating”

“So a guy walks into an antique shop and asks, What’s New?”

“A group of people who squander hours and keep minutes”

Missionary: Why do you stare at me like that?

Cannibal: Me food inspector.

“The most disappointed women is one who buys fancy underwear for the doctor’s examination and then finds he only looks at her tongue.”

“Depression is that period when people do without what their parents never had”

What is the Penalty for Bigamy?

I’m sure there’s jail time involved, but the real penalty is having two mother-in-laws.